Wizards Council’s Undead Army.

The wizards have many strange and dangerous powers.

The production of their Thaumo-magical Weapons of Mass Death from the strange luminescent ores and metals quarried for them from the deepest mines by the dwarves are only one of the many evil things they make.

Another evil is the Wizards Council’s Necromancer Humane Society (NHS) who raise the dead. While the other wizards are not too keen on talking to the dead, mainly because there might be some awkward meetings with people they have killed, the Necromancers are always the first to be called when the Wizards need an army.

This time the Necromancers have raised the dead of an old human army who were slaughtered when attacking the Orcs in a long forgotten war. Well forgotten by the humans, the Orcs still celebrate the battle’s anniversary each year with a great feast. Just like they did the night of the original battle.

The Necromancers’ army is built around the great wizards who bring it back from the dead as well as a great hero. The undead army is composed of swords and bows plus a team of minor Deaths who keep the undead under control.

When the dwarves saw the army they asked the Wizards why there were no horses, “the humans are mad for horses when they fight” said the dwarves. The Wizards just shrugged and said that there weren’t any intact horses there when they raised the bones of the army. The Orcs said, “There is good eating on a horse”, and left it at that.

The Wizards' Undead Army

Bow Skeletons

Minor Deaths - swords - to keep the undead under control

Undead swords

An undead Hero - needs two minor deaths to control him

Necromancer Wizard

Necromancer Wizard General

Goblin Army

The goblin army varies with the distance from their origin.

When the great wizard Fourbytwo created them they had very little civilised experience. But over hundreds of years of wars with humans they have become quite 'civilised' and make sure that those Goblins sent out to do battle in the furthest reaches of their realm are mostly inexperienced and unprepared while the wise ones stay safely in core of the realm.

This means that on the outer reaches of the goblin realm the armies will be mostly hordes with a few bows or spears. But as the invaders come closer to the goblins birthplace the armies become much more sophisticated and deadly.

The full goblin army

Goblin spears - perfect for dealing with Knights

Goblin Artillery - the dwarves said they could never copy their guns - but it seems the Goblins could and made them bigger and better

The Goblin General with the core of the army - axemen

Goblin bowmen - ready for  a Knight out 

Goblin Wizard - self taught from searching through the tower of Fourbytwo and the experience of his less successful brethren

One of the Goblins allies, Mono - rescued from a Knights' castle when he was just a babe, he is very loyal to his Goblin bros.

A rouge wizard - who helps the Goblins when it suits him and who is not afraid of a little genetic manipulation for recreational purposes.

Goblin flyers from the mountain regions of the island - ready to do battle with the dwarf flyers - legend says that they made a pact with an ancient dragon but this is dismissed by the Wizards Council as an old man's tale.

A Goblin Horde army. Not the strongest but certainly scary

A close-up of a horde unit - Nigel is third from left in the fourth row

More hordes - there are never enough

Horde General 

Goblins Bows - a nasty surprise for the Knights hiding behind a horde

Goblin axemen - a nasty surprise for everyone

 

Orcs

The Orcs are the happiest of the civilised races. Although why they are counted as civilised is a running joke for them. They are organised as a democratically elected government with regular elections for the various leadership roles. Their Commander in Chief is elected by the army and leads it into battle.

The Orcs enjoy a good fight, drinking beer around the fire, and eating BBQs. Generally they like to think that they get on very well with the other races. However, the dwarves, humans, Elves and wizards secretly despise the Orcs for their lack of civilising graces, their perpetual good cheer, work ethic, and the general feeling that the Orcs are having a really good time.

Occasionally the Orcs get all fired up by some politician or other group who get them in a fighting mood by picking on some imaginary slight and making a big deal of it. The Orcs then go off to war but generally their heart isn’t really in it, they much prefer lazing around the campfire and drinking, and after the first defeat they usually head off home.

The main part of the Orcs’ army is made up of fighters who charge madly into battle, Warbands under HOTT rules. The general’s element is also a warband.

There are also a few bow armed Orcs in case they get in a fight with others who have these or the dwarves and their flyers.

The scariest part of the Orc army is the Waaaargh – a large group of warriors who go berserk, generally by being told that all the beer has been stolen by the enemy army – this unit acts as a behemoth under the HOTT rules.

There is usually a hero in every Orc army. In this army it is Boozer.

The Orc Army

Boozer the Orc Hero

Orc Bowmen

The Orc Waaaargh

Orc Warbands

Orc Warband General - the black flag of the Orc Nation - you never need to wash it.

Elvish Longbow Fascists ELF

The Elves have built a civilisation based on the concepts of beauty, elegant design, high culture, epic coolness, total superiority, and a complete disdain for any of the other races.

Their leaders are a family of tyrants, the WhiteCheats, who have passed the superbly designed and elegant crown down their family over thousands of years. So well designed the blood stains wash right off.

The cities of the Elves are creations of great wonder and fantastic design. It is a pity so few of the other races ever see them as it would raise their opinion of the elves from a distinct loathing to an envious dislike. The Elves are very particular of who they let into their cities and towns which are surrounded by woods and lakes of great natural beauty. The Elves happily slaughter anyone they find sneaking about them and it is a favourite pastime for the younger elves to lurk around the woods, enticing unsuspecting visitors to enter, to lead them astray, and then kill them in entertaining ways.

They naturally hold the other races in contempt. The Orcs are crude and disgusting, the Dwarves are disgusting socialists and despised as a race of regicides, and the humans barely tolerated.

The only members of the other races that the Elves will voluntarily talk to are wizards, who by dint of great knowledge and skills can be considered to be worthy of some respect, despite not being elves.

The main weapons of the elves are the bow and the sword but they also employ wizards on the battlefield.

The Elvish Army

Elvish swords men

An Elvish Heroine

The Elvish General

An Elvish Hero

Elvish Bowmen

Elvish Bowmen

Elvish Wizard

Dwarfish Soviet Socialist Republic - DSSR

The DSSR was established after the last king of the Dwarves was lost in a mining “accident” 800 years ago. After a long and extensive examination of political science and organisations across time, space and parallel universes the Dwarves settled on Socialism as Karl Marx had a great beard and was pretty short as well.

So now, instead of the King sitting on a great pile of gold in the Great Hall and telling everyone how wealthy he was, the Politburo sits on the gold and tells everyone how wealthy the DSSR is. The Great Hall used to be known as the Great Hall of Kings but was renamed after the last king died and none of his relatives came forward to take the throne (probably because they were unavoidably detained chained upside down in deep dungeons).

The Dwarves elect the Politburo every six years by a show of acclamation in the Great Hall of the Dwarves. The army has always been on hand to lead the acclamation in each of the elections in the 800 years since the establishment of the rule of the Soviet. And in all of that period no Politburo has ever been voted off. In fact the same families have been leading since then. It must be a great system with that sort of record.

The Politburo organises the dwarves into work teams who manage the different industries, mining, industrial research, manufacturing and a bit of agriculture. Unlike the rule of the Kings, the Dwarves now own everything together and live happily in their grottos underground. The flag of their freedom is blood red with the crossed wrench and hammer symbolising mining and manufacturing.

The size of the grottos depend on the responsibility of the Dwarf and naturally the Politburo and army have the largest and most elaborate. Many a humble dwarf spends what little free time he has working on making improvements to the leadership team’s grottos. The leadership team’s grottos now exceed the old Kings’ in their size and the artwork that adorns them.

Of course not every dwarf agrees with this state of affairs and the Politburo gives them the opportunity to come to their senses and feed their families by fighting in the penal battalion of the army.

The Army

The Glorious DSSR Army

The rock core of the dwarf army is its hammer and axe men who form its spine along with the General’s Command.

The General's element, first amongst equals with the banner of the DSSR a crossed Hammer and Wrench

The heroes of the revolutions fight to preserve it from the evil capitalist imperialists running dogs

The Hammer Men

Next are the shooters - organised into crossbows and guns.

The Gun line

Cross bow men

Then are the flyers of the Army.

The Airboat contains a rough and tumble crew ready for any eventuality. The Airboat is kept aloft by a supply of anti-gravitarium which the dwarves mine from deep underground.

The Airboat Karl Marx and its crew 

Then there are the balloon Dwarves who float around the battlefield and descend on their victims.

A balloon Dwarf - a viscous and unexpected attacking force,

Finally are the fast attack of the Army. Two great behemoths that are forged in the dark industrial wasteland factories of the dwarves by their largest company Mordor Mining and Manufacturing. The great vehicles march across the battlefield and crush all before them. 

Two of the 3M vehicles

The Penal Battalion Force (hordes there are plenty more where they come from) - a steady Commissar is in the back to report on any failures.

Van Demons Land - Fantasy HOTT campaign.

The Wizard Daphne shook her head sadly as she watched her crystal ball and saw the Knights of Y destroyed by the goblins. Just like mankind she thought, always letting us down. Later that night Daphne sent messages to the kings of each of the races informing them of the disaster and asking them to meet at the peace village to discuss the coming war.

Before she sent her messages Daphne also bought some shares in a few armament companies, “no point waiting until after the news got out. Best to get in early and build up the nest egg.” she thought. This is why Wizards are always thought to be wise.

Over dinner Daphne let her mind wander over how it had all started nearly 500 years ago.

The not so great wizard Fourbytwo (nicked named “Thick As” at Hogwash wizards’ school) had disobeyed the Wizard Council’s decree and had been secretly experimenting with magical gene splicing. This had been explicitly avowed as illegal by the council due to many miss steps and near disasters. Many a wizard’s creation had killed him as well as many innocent locals before it could be destroyed. Luckily none had been able to breed.

Fourbytwo believed he was different and had left the continent and established a hidden laboratory in an old penal colony in Van Demons Land island which was situated south of the mainland. Here he decided to grow a new race of helpers for the civilised races that was made up by the DNA of all of them.

He included Dwarf DNA for size and mechanical ability, Orc DNA for strength, Elf DNA for a sweet visage and manners, Human DNA for humility and kindness. Unknown to him he also accidentally included some rabbit DNA.

He discovered that he hadn’t quite got all the DNA ingredients in the right order. The DNA from the Dwarves worked and he got their size and mechanical ability. But he got the visage and manners of the Orcs, Elfish humility and kindness (also known as arrogance and cruelty with a strong dash of xenophobia) and Human strength plus the ability to breed like rabbits.

Unfortunately other than these minor mix ups his experiment was a complete success and soon his creations were breeding away in the cellars and rooms of his castle and to his surprise by the end of the year there seemed to be hundreds of the little buggers. He started to try and cull them and that is when the trouble started.

As the doors of his laboratory were being smashed down by the goblins as they rebelled against their murderous creator, Fourbytwo sent out a desperate plea for help to the Wizards’ Council. 

Unfortunately they were at a big dinner and didn’t get it until late the next day when the hangovers had calmed down a bit. Needless to say they were pretty pissed off and the informal opinion was to leave Fourbytwo to his fate. However, wiser (though sorer) heads finally prevailed and they sent an away team of young and relatively sober apprentice wizards to investigate.

The away team reported no sign of Fourbytwo other than some torn robes and a few human bones with teeth marks on them. The team tried to kill the goblins but they disappeared into castle’s dungeons and the surrounding countryside. To stop the spread of the goblins the team built a magical wall across the peninsula the castle stood on and left it at that.

The Wizards Council decided to lay the blame on the humans as Fourbytwo was one of theirs. The kings of the humans finally agreed after receiving a number of threats to their persons plus some revelations of embarrassing information about their lives that they didn’t want public.

Knowing that there were always plenty of stupid aristocrats’ sons ready to join any worthy cause that involved excessive violence the human kings set up the Knights of the Alphabet. The Knights would have responsibility for keeping the goblins on their peninsula and hopefully eradicating them. This gave the kings a good excuse to do very little while also having a convenient scapegoat to blame if things went wrong.

The Knights of the Alphabet had a sad history. After a hundred years of fighting they still had not eradicated the goblins on the peninsula. Then after one very costly expedition inside goblin territory when they had been cut off and nearly eliminated and with only a few survivors making it back to the wall, the goblins had counterattacked and swarmed and killed the remaining defenders and finally tore down that wall.

From that time on the goblins continued to spread across the island. The Knights of the Alphabet built many castles from where they would go riding out from to slaughter the hapless goblin communities. The knights boasted of their prowess and bravery but as time went by the goblins grew in power and took one castle after another, and returning the knights’ favours, slaughtering all the Knights and their supporters.

After each castle fell the Kings of the humans would send out a rousing call for more volunteers to man the next castle. For 400 years it was a great way for the dukes and barons to get rid of unwanted boys who were a bit thick and easily convinced to go. In fact, over time it became a reason to question someone’s intelligence if they had ever served with the Knights of the Alphabet.

Many people started to think that the goblins were learning from the Knights. “How to be pig headed, violent, stupid and stubborn” they sniggered.

Daphne finished her dessert and a third bottle of red wine. The second last castle had fallen and now it was time for the elder races to show the humans how it was done.

A few days later at the peace village of PeaceManTown, the Elves, Orcs, Dwarfs and Wizards met. The first bit of business was easily negotiated and they issued a communique laying full blame on the humans. The humans countered by saying “stuff you and we are not going to help”.

Then there was several days of acrimonious discussion of which army was going to fight. As this was following two days of negotiations of who was going to sit in which chair and the shape and size of the table. It is hard to find a table to suit everyone, the Orcs refuse to sit on the floor and the Dwarves refuse to sit on bar stools unless they are drinking. Plus another day negotiating how many advisors each king or ruler could have. Daphne finally had had enough.

Daphne stamped her wizard’s staff on the ground and let out an ear piecing scream. “That is it! You are all going to provide one army. The Wizards will provide one too! We shall resurrect some dead humans so the lazy ignorant buggers do something as well. Go home, get your armies, you shall all meet at the ferry point on the south side of the continent in two months. We will take your armies over one by one and you can start your campaign from Castle Z to destroy the goblins.

I will prepare a map so that each of you attacks and destroys the same number of goblin settlements and you all meet at the peninsula goblin ground point zero at the same time. There we can join together in one army and finish the goblin menace once and for all.”

The armies would have to advance through the goblin island, Van Demons Land, and destroy the goblin armies and then each settlement with a Thaumo-magical Weapon of Mass Death that the Council of Wizards would supply.

As they advanced from their starting point they would get less and less replacements. The leaders of each race argued that this was right as obviously if they were advancing things are going well and there is no reason to spend any more than necessary.

On the contrary, if they were still close to their starting point things are chancy and it is best for the rulers if a maximum effort is put in by their subjects.

For the goblins the opposite is true. The goblin communities far from the peninsula were young and inexperienced. They were mostly made up of hordes of young goblins with little in the way of weaponry or organisation. The goblins near the peninsula had had time to work out different technologies and techniques and even had some wizards. So the going would get tougher as the Elder Races’ armies advanced.

Van Demons Land had always been known as a place of strange and deadly creatures, that is why it was chosen as a penal colony. It had worked well until one day something ate all the prisoners and guards and it was abandoned after that. So Daphne knew they might meet some other foes during their expedition. Hopefully none had made common cause with the goblins.

Campaign rules

The invading armies (Wizards’ Undead Army, Elvish Army, Orc Army and Dwarf Army) start off with a full 24 AP points from the HOTT rules. All armies must conform to the HOTT rules. As the invading armies fight battles they will only be able to replace the number of AP as shown in the table below. This means that they may not be at full strength for the next battle. Unused replacements cannot be carried forwards.

When the invading army wins a battle it moves forward one area. If it loses a battle it goes back one area. The invading army receives the number of replacements for the area it moves into.

Wizards Undead army	Elvish Army	Orc Army	Dwarf Army
Castle Z 6 AP of replacements.	Castle Z 6 AP of replacements.	Castle Z 6 AP of replacements.	Castle Z 6 AP of replacements.
Area 1   4 AP of replacements.	Area 1   4 AP of replacements.	Area 1   4 AP of replacements.	Area 1   4 AP of replacements.
Area 2   3 AP of replacements.	Area 2   3 AP of replacements.	Area 2   3 AP of replacements.	Area 2   3 AP of replacements.
Area 3   2 AP of replacements.	Area 3   2 AP of replacements.	Area 3   2 AP of replacements.	Area 3   2 AP of replacements.
Area 4   2 AP of replacements.	Area 4   2 AP of replacements.	Area 4   2 AP of replacements.	Area 4   2 AP of replacements.
Peninsula 2 AP of replacements.	Peninsula 2 AP of replacements.	Peninsula 2 AP of replacements.	Peninsula 2 AP of replacements.

Goblins

As the armies approach the goblin home territory in the peninsula the number of hordes in each army will decrease

Area 1                  each goblin army contains 12 AP of hordes

Area 2                  each goblin army contains 8 AP of hordes

Area 3                  each goblin army contains 4 AP of hordes

Area 4                  each goblin army contains 0 AP of hordes

Peninsula             each goblin army contains 48 AP and battles the combined armies of the Wizards, Orcs, Elves and Dwarves, or at least those that make it that far.

BBQ Knight

Slowitticus, the Hero General of the Knights of Y assembled his men in their usual formation. The battlefield was ideal for the Knights, flat and straight. A gentle hill just below their castle would enable them to get some momentum up as they charged towards the goblin horde that was lurking between two small patches of wood.

The Knights of Y rode into their positions, General Slowitticus in the centre, flanked by the pure of thought paladin, MT Head, and his fellow Hero Lowique (who was a close cousin of the general). Further to the left and right were the Knights of Y, and on each flank were the Apprentice Riders.

View of the battlefield from behind the Knights of X

Slowitticus thought aloud, the only way he could, “When the goblins run for the woods, send in the riders to flush them out for the knights to kill!”

The Riders happily chattered with each other, boasting of how they would distinguish themselves and make the leap to a fully-fledged Knight of Y. No longer would they have to carry the carbine of cowardice, they wanted to carry the lance of pride.

In the line the Knights were quiet. They knew what they were up against. An evil and devious foe, well led and numerous. The Knights took comfort in their superior training and weaponry, their faithful horses and their brave leaders.

The smarter Knights wondered at General Slowitticus' comments at the feast the night before. If the goblins were so stupid and cowardly, why was this nearly the last of the Knight’s castles left on the island? Only the Knights of Z castle was still standing on the northern shore of the island.

Slowitticus surveyed the line of his knights, brave as brave could be. He fully expected to be back in the Castle for an early dinner and had told his servants to ready a feast. All the army was in order so Slowitticus called for his trumpeter, “Sound your horn for the walk!”

The trumpeter raised his horn, and with a loud “blart blarty blart” the signal for the walk was given.

Slowly the line of Heros, Knights and Riders moved forward. To the spectators on the castle wall it was a magnificent sight. The banners were flapping in the wind, the knights' armour glittered in the sunlight and the horses neighed and stamped the ground.

In the Goblin Horde, Neil and Nigel were talking. “I'm starving” said Neil.
“You’re always starving” replied Nigel.

“Do you think the battle will take a long time?” asked Neil.
“Probably a few hours at least” said Nigel. “The last battle last week took forever!” he continued.

“Neil, have you had your breakfast?”
“No I haven't. I couldn't stand another can of Goblent Green. The last can I ate had finger nails and hair in it! The hygiene they use when preparing it must be dreadful.” Nigel um'ed and arh'd but decided not comment on this.

Neil cheered up. “Here they come, soon we are going to eat, and some nice horse as well. I love BBQ horse!” Nigel smiled and checked his weapons for the tenth time. The trouble with his weapons was that there was not much to check. Your average rock generally does not go off. He hoped that in this battle he would finally be able to get a real weapon, like a dagger, or one of those pointy sticks, or even one day, a sword.

He was broken out of his reverie by the sound of his general shouting out the Gobbo battle prayer.

The General yelled:  “Are you hungry!”
The Horde screamed back “YES!”
The General yelled “Here it comes!”
The Horde screamed back “LET’S EAT!”
The General finished the prayer “Amen!”

On the other side of the battlefield General Slowitticus said “Hear that! The gobbos are frightened, listen to their screams!” He turned to his trumpeter and said, “Sound the Charge!”

The Knights advanced on their monstrous enemy and the battle was joined. Below is a series of images from a wizards drone crystal ball.

The knights charge towards the goblins

The Riders chase the Goblin Hordes into the bad going

The Knights line is broken by unexpected bow fire from the Goblins while the riders on the wings are repulsed.

The Knights try to reform their lines but are hampered by inadequate PIPs.

The Goblin archers fire again and recoil some Knights

The Riders race in on both flanks but while  the left is successful the right is destroyed

The Goblins on the right move to flank the Knight Line

The Knights attack but one knight base is destroyed when charging with the General and Lowique is recoiled. Luckily General Slowiticus stays in contact and next turn the Goblins are sure to be destroyed.

The Blue knights are destroyed on the right and the riders are destroyed on the left. But Slowiticus is triumphant as the Goblins before him recoil.

But inconceivably the General is then recoiled. MT Head is killed and suddenly things are looking chancy for the Knights.

The Goblins kill the last rider on the left and move in for the kill.

General Slowiticus is killed surrounded by piles of dead Goblins (or so the heralds sing)

At this point even Lowique can see that things may not be proceeding in a favourable manner for the Knights and it may be necessary to re-group and counter attack at a later time. As only his Red chapter of Knights remain it is an easy decision to leave the battlefield and express their severe disappointment at the failure of the Blue and Yellow chapters.

After the battle Nigel wondered around the battlefield talking to Neil's head and showing him the sights searching the bodies. “Look at that Neil. There is good eating on that horse. It even comes with its own BBQ plate!” Neil looked blankly at the horse, saying nothing. Nigel turned over ten or so bodies before he finally found what he was looking for. “Oh dear, this looks terrible. Um, what can I say Neil, look at your body. You have left it in a terrible state, that spear has gone straight through you and your neck is a mess.” Nigel put Neil's head down while he tried to straighten the body out. Halfway through his endeavours the left arm fell off. “Oh look at that” he said to no one in particular.

“OK Neil, I leave you here with your body and hopefully it will work out. Come and see me if you get sorted, OK! See you soon I hope.” Nigel strode off towards the nearest fire where some Goblins were cooking a horse. He held onto his new dagger and patted his new sword that was tied to his waist humming a happy tune.

Later on when the Goblins were asleep, some wagons came up and started collecting the bodies of all the Goblins and men who were left on the battlefield. Just peeking from under the banner saying Goblin Grave Commission was the small green cylinder logo of the Goblent Green Company.

Lying under a pile of goblins, crushed and hurting from where a well aimed rock had struck his face, Slowiticus groaned and asked for water. The goblins collecting bodies moved over to him and carried him to the cart. “Thank you” groaned Slowiticus. The goblins asked his leader, “Shall I kill him boss?” “No just leave him, he will be fresher at the factory.” the leader replied. They stacked the remaining bodies over Slowiticus and these drowned out his cries. Eventually, the cart full, they took off for the factory.